god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
