Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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