Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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