She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize