yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
