wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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