i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
