apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
