I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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