I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
