It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
