Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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