maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
bring money and cleavage
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
