im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
