weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
