I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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