It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
we're so committed to being not committed
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
