True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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