My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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