do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
