Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
