i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it glows. i had to have it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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