I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
