I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
