my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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