I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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