I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
