this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
