girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
