You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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