Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
