Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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