I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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