NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
