tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
