i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
