I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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