she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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