she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
