We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
