New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
