i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The best revenge is premature balding
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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