i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
