Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
