The brown eye won't let me do that either.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
