My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
