i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How does one acquire holy water?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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