I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I want a musical about memes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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