We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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