I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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