i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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