do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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