her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
