I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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