I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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