i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
