i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
