As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
