***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize