omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
