Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
