im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize