It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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