I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
