I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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