My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
