so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
