Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
