Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize