dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
