Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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