OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
