I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize