And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Every concussion has its silver lining
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
