I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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