I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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