i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
