He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
