Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize