Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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