Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
