3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
