too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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