im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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