Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
