eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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