A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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