Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
