you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish you could order shots online.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
