i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
