This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
