I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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